I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
