I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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