this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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