When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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