At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Someone shattered a urinal.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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