seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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