I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
