My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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