Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
