we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
