I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I think people are normalizing furries
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
