Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
