She said her name was "party"
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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