sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
