Have you finally orgasmed yet?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
