so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
