12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
