So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
