I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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