I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
