I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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