I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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