Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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