i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
