People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
