I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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