but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
