the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Shame - the story of my life.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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