i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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