What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
i think im in europe. pls send help
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