Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
