I molested 6 butterflies tonight
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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