sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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