Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
