If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
