Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
