the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
