i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
