____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
