Christians are straight up FREAKS
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
