My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
