did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
