Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
