Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
