I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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