He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
