so explain again why im purple
no
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Sorry about my life...
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
