You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
