Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just forgot I was standing up.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
