well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
