how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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